She opened the door to her bedroom. He followed after her and shut the door behind her. Sensual eye contact was established not two seconds before they were wrapped in each others’ arms, their lips pressed together passionately. They never broke lip contact as they found their way onto her bed. He sat down with her legs wrapped around his waist. As he was beginning to un-button her rose-colored blouse, he stopped. Their kiss was broken and he looked her in the eyes,

“Are you sure you’re ready for this? We can always wait, you know.”

She smirked seductively, “I’ve never been more ready in my life. Take me now.”

His face lit up, and he rapidly continued to undo her fickle buttons. Her lacy white brassiere became exposed. Excitement and anxiousness swept over him as he skillfully unhooked the delicate undergarment.

His face went pale. He sat, mouth agape, unable to process what was before him. Her breasts were transparent. In each one swam a tiny, golden-colored fish.

Without speaking, he threw his girlfriend aside and bolted out. He ran until he reached South America. He changed his name to Juan and there he lived for the rest of his days.

machokeonmydick:

*makes a sim of me* *makes a sim of u*

punpun-kirakira:

patrickat:

nihilisticc:

So my parents just found out about my fourteen year old brother smoking weed because they found this on his window ledge. So in the middle of a huge lecture my dad decides to open the Baggie and smell it to see how strong it is. He immediately starts crying with laughter. THIS NIGGA HAS BEEN BUYING AND SMOKING FUCKING OREGANO. FUCKIN ITALIAN HERBS. SON. I CAN’T. I CANNOT. I CAN’T DO THIS.

This isn’t funny. That’s the gateway drug to a full blown marinara addiction. It’s good this was caught before this kid started hanging out at Olive Garden and sucking on every breadstick he can find to score another hit.

IT GOT BETTER.

viralshift:

raccooneyedbitch:

bombarrows:

quadrangledreality:

lightningsshadow:

paranoidandroid42:

yes i’m a boy

yes i play videogames ;]

don’t hit on me silly girls xoxoxo

wft boys don’t play videogames

get back in the garage and fix my car.

another fucking “gamer boy” They all just want attention they cant even play well!

He’s just a slut with a controller.

That console isn’t even plugged in you fucking whore.

He probably thinks Link’s name is Zelda. Fake skank.

Take dem controllers off bby lemme see what cha got underneath.

ethiopienne:

fuckyeahsexpositivity:

I love this routine, because it’s not a rape joke. It’s a rape culture joke. It’s not making fun of the people who have been raped, but of both rape culture (not being able to just jog because it’s not safe) but of the idea that the only thing of value in a woman is her vagina.

—BB

yes to all of this 

…why are you telling me this?

dungeonsanddamsels:

ktjjj submitted:

once i had a breakdown and cried into my pillow and this happened and i feel like this is an accurate representation of my current mental state

megaman2:

megaman2:

“mickey mouse it says you want to divorce minnie because she was…… extremely silly?”

“no, i said she was fucking goofy”

please stop reblogging this i stole this joke from my brother

milajewnis:

but actually plaid button up shirts with the sleeves rolled to the elbows are universally attractive 

turnc0at:

turnc0at:

turnc0at:

turnc0at:

GUESS WHO GOT SOME APPLE FLAVOURED SHAMPOO

WAIT NO I MEANT SCENTED

DON’T WORRY IT TASTES LIKE APPLES TOO

i just threw up